Attack of the Malthus

Malthus, the pessimistic economist of 200 years ago, has made a comeback, this time haunting Africa. Malthus, the man famous for his “human population exponentially grows until the land can’t sustain them, at which point they starve, die of disease, or kill each other” theory, is temporarily out of the red-zone on the Idiot Meter.

Note this *article* mentioned in Greg Mankiw’s Blog.

So if we give financial aid to Africa (or medicines), it’ll get stuck in a Malthusian Trap. That’s right, temporary aid will boost the birth rate higher than the death rate (money to raise more kids, buy more medicines and food, etc.), but since Africa hasn’t had an industrial revolution, Mother Nature won’t support this – carrying capacity exceeded!, return to subsistence it is.

This reminds me of the inhabitants of Rapa Nui/Easter Island. These scantily clad islanders became too many; they cut down all their trees, ran out of food, made war upon each other, and then became cannibals, falling prey to the deadly scourge of the pre-industrialized society, Malthus.

Dun dun dun Malthus strikes again!

A World of Warcrafted Downfall

The downfall of mankind will not arise from the destructive clashes between ultra-nationalistic superpowers, but rather, the clash between two new breeds of mankind, the Neo-Nerds and the Neo-Jocks. Contrary to the old stereotypes, Neo-Nerds are characterized solely by their addiction to online computer games, rather than dweebish appearance. On the other hand, the Neo-Jocks are united by their refusal to live in a self-imposed matrix rather than a love for booze, football, and weight-lifting. As history has shown, the only result of such polarization is civil war; i.e. the apocalypse.

Witness the catastrophic rise of the recent and very popular MMOGs, massively multi-player online games, which not only provide the Neo-Nerds with vivid new worlds, but new social hubs, and ultimately an alternative life to the "dull" reality outside of the computer.

Signs that MMOGs are spawning Neo-Nerds:
1) The blurring of the distinction between virtual money and real money.
2) Online behavior that mirrors real life behavior - epidemiologists and other social scientists even exploit this characteristic of the virtual world in researching the real world (see this article in The Economist).
3) The fast growing popularity of MMOGs (see graphs here and more info here). If all the active-playing Neo-Nerds (13 million) currently had their own country, they would be roughly the 70th largest country in the world from a population standpoint and last year the growth rate in number of active MMOG gamers has been just over 20 percent; the average for the world is 1.2%. Combine these two facts and the Neo-Nerd population will double every three and a half years, jumping up the rankings to about 25th largest in 7 years.

Smiting the Orcs

Glamdring, the mighty sword of Middle Earth, had a magical blue shimmer that gave the fell orcs headaches, nausea, fatigue, and sensitivity to light and noise. However, for those too poor to afford said glamorous sword, there is hope. You can accomplish the same feats by gettin' smashed and trashed with the orcs. Upon waking up in the morning, these unlucky orcs face headaches caused by the diuretic effects of ethanol; fatigue and troubles concentrating caused by the failure of the liver to replenish the supply of glucose to the brain; sensitivity to light and noise caused by the removal of the depressant effects of the alcohol; and nausea caused by disruption of the stomach lining. To achieve the effects of Glamdring on steroids, use home-brewed dark-colored liquors, which are likely to contain fusel oils, byproducts of alcohol fermentation not found high quality vodka. Find out the details or learn more.

BP: Friend or Foe?

I was recently forwarded a petition alerting me to energy giant BP's plan to dump more than 6,500 lbs a day of industrial waste into Lake Michigan. Alarmed, I searched the BP corporate website, and my suspicions were immediately corroborated: this is indeed the work of America's sworn enemy, Great Britain. BP, it turns out, is a thinly veiled acronym for BRITISH PETROLEUM. More quick research confirmed my worst fears; it was the British who were responsible for the Stamp Act of 1765, The Intolerable Acts of 1774, and the British Invasion of the 1960s. The British, it appears, fought directly against America in not one, but TWO major wars; The War of 1812 AND The American Revolution (not to be confused with Chevrolet). In historical context, this latest ploy is clearly nothing other than an insidious plot to undermine our freedom.

Britain is a monarchy, a dark contrast to our bright republic. It is ruled by a mysterious "Queen" to whom all Britons must swear allegiance.Further, Britain has a long history of brutal Imperialism. Ireland, a country cursed with the misfortune of neighboring Britain, has long suffered at the hands of its British oppressors. Prominent British spokesmen Jonathan Swift once suggested that, in order to control the population growth of the Irish, the Irish children be cannibalized. Surely, we should consider ourselves lucky that British have decided only to poison us with ammonia and industrial solids, instead of to eat our children.

They covet our lakes, our democracy, our freedom. I encourage all three of this blog's readers to sign this petition to stave off the British, if only for now.

Don't Eat Shark Fin Soup

It will get you screwed up. The mean level of mercury concentration in shark is 8.4 times that of canned light tuna (the stuff you get at the grocery store). Furthermore, you can't eat any of the cool fish like swordfish, or king mackerel because of high mercury concentrations. Also, avoid any tuna that doesn't come pink and shredded in can, because your mercury concentrations will approximately triple. If you're pregnant or a little kid, you're recommended no more than one 6 oz can of canned light tuna per week. Since I'm strong and mighty, I'll chance it with 7. Check it out: http://www.cfsan.fda.gov/~frf/sea-mehg.html

Creation: A Game Theoretic View

I understand it to be a fact that God knows the future. Riddle me this: Does God take any risks? Since the future is known, from a game theoretic point of view, there are no risks involved in any of God’s decisions, that is, the outcomes of all decisions are known. So then, what satisfaction does God receive from anything we humans do, be it praise, prayer, helping others, or whatever, if God knows that he will receive or witness these things eons before they occur? Furthermore, must there not be something exceedingly special about the current structure of the universe for God to have selected this outcome over the infinitely many other creation outcomes available? I feel that if God receives satisfaction from humans, it must be in a way that we cannot fathom, probably outside the realm of time.

RE: Cure for Short-term Depression

So after reading Glamdring's challenge below, I decided to find out just how hard it is to break one of these cans by doing some field research. No, not on my own head. But before any of you go off and lose some brain cells, consider this:

Presented here are my experimental results for crushing an aluminum can. You can clearly see a point at which the can crumples and loses the majority of its strength. Once this initial barrier is overcome, finishing off the can is child's play. So how much force do you need to exert on the can to crush it? Well, 0.876 ksi (or 876 pounds per square inch) of pressure is the maximum strength of the can in question. With a can radius of 1.3" and wall thickness of 0.02" (arbitrary value, can someone find me a real number?), that comes out to 143 lbs of force you need to apply in order to crush an aluminum can. If you can do that with your head, you probably don't have depression.

"But Seraph, that's only if you hit an intact can straight-on without using your hands to help!" Well, isn't that the point? Sure, using your hands to squeeze the can greatly decreases the strength of the can greatly -- these things are built to withstand vertical force, not horizontal. But you know what we call that in most circles? Fighting a handicapped opponent at best, cheating at worst. Go find a better way to massage your low self-esteem.

Seraph out.

Cure for Short-term Depression

Meet the knucklehead challenge. If you have the guts, it will work. 5 steps are involved. 1) Chug a can of Mountain Dew (beer if you’re above 21) 2) Grab the bottom of the can with your hand. 3) Accelerate your hand upwards towards your forehead, very rapidly. 4) At the moment of impact, using the tips of your fingers and thumbs, squeeze the sides of the can to create weak points in the cylindrical structure to initiate the collapse of the can. 5) After crushing the can, invigorate yourself with a mighty roar and show your friends for an added self-esteem boost.